Medication helps…

Pounds lost: 21

I finished my fast on Friday (4/23), but anyone who’s ever fasted knows that the starvation lingers for a few days after. The last time I did this I’m convinced that I suffered a mini-psychotic break by the end of the five days. I wasn’t ready and I wasn’t medicated.

The medication I take is for high blood pressure. Something I’d managed to avoid for nearly my entire life, finally caught up with me once I passed the 450lbs mark. It is the only typical weight related problem I have. No diabetes, no clogged arteries (yup, I was shocked too), no breathing problems or sleep apnea, just HBP. So I take a pill called Atenolol, which surprisingly, is also prescribed for migraines and anxiety. During my first two fasts I chose to go off my meds (yes, just a really dumb idea), not wanting to take them on an empty stomach. I managed the “desperation” during the first fast out of a need to just do something about the weight. The second time I wasn’t ready to fast, but I had a timetable and I was going to stick to it come hell or high water. I wasn’t prepared and I suffered every minute of every day. This time my “desperation” didn’t manifest completely. The Atenolol helped me analyze every impulse I had to go off my fast. It killed the panic rises when I think I’ll never eat anything good again. It cleared away enough of the food minutia that clogs my everyday thinking and offered an opportunity for clarity.

Yeah, I know I make it sound like a miracle drug, but in someways it was for me. Thinking through the episode was so much better than feeling like I needed to tie myself down to the bed so that I wouldn’t run to Carl’s Jr. for a $6 burger. You have no idea how many times that thought happened! Pizza Hut commercials were another trigger. And any commercial with cake in it! Okay, the cake commercials can still do it, but now it’s just me looking away and physically pushing that thought out of my mind (I envision myself pushing the commercial-playing on a rolling screen-completely out of my head).

Anyway, (yes, I know this is abrupt-sleepy) I’m just gonna go with what works and stop overanalyzing every damned thing. I’m lucking to have any sort of help in this endeavor. I need all the help I can get!


~ by wastedlife40 on April 26, 2010.

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