The End!


March Fast: March 8, 2010-March 12, 2010

Topic: The End

“This is the end, my only friend, the end!”

Okay, so I’m not Jim Morrison, but damn if he didn’t have it right! This time was really difficult because I learned the hard way that if you’re not mentally prepared (although I thought I was) you can seriously screw yourself out of the great feelings fasting can give you. This time I felt empty all the time. This is completely different from the last time when I felt comfortable and satisfied the entire seven days. Here I just felt hollow and kept wanting something, anything to make my stomach stop talking!

I swear that’s what it did the entire time and worst, it did it mostly during the early morning hours. I’m so angry with myself for not paying more attention to why my first fast worked so well. What I discovered, as I plotted the next eight fasts covering the rest of this year, is that I must give myself a week to wean myself off of a regular eating schedule. I was so determined to stick to my schedule that I did myself a disservice by not paying more attention to my body and mind. I also veered from the rituals that made the first time so pleasant, like making sure I got enough to drink and proper amount of rest.

I didn’t crave tons of food, or even the normal amounts of food one might, I simply wanted the hollow feeling I felt to end. There was no one food (okay, maybe my favorite liquid eggs, but I am addicted to those and constantly crave them) that I thought I’d die if I didn’t have, just a nagging need to feel full.

I’ve plotted out my next fast with much more attention to fulfilling it without letting myself feel unfulfilled. The great part about my new schedule is that I will have between three to four weeks of regular eating, a weaning week, a fasting week, and a recovery week (three-five days according to the fasts length). Basically, I’ll never have time to wind up to eating the way I used to and by years end; I’m hoping that I’ll never feel the need too again.

It’s a plan. It’s all I have left.

Next Fast: Weaning week begins April 12th with the fast officially commencing April 19th-April 23rd.

*Body Progress: I’m not sure this is a good thing per se, but I can shop now for far longer without feeling an overwhelming need to sit or cut short the trip because of fatigue or the aches and pains in my legs and back that would force me to leave the store. In fact, I find myself still acting like I did before. Bracing for the pain in my knees and legs before I get up out of a chair: waiting for my legs to lock up when I’ve stood for too long: walking super slow for fear that because my balance was off, I might misstep and fall, or twist an ankle trying to compensate. You’d be amazed at the balance problems that come with this level of obesity. My ability to walk with confidence is one of the things I’ve missed the most.

P.S. Ending weight will be posted tomorrow. I liked to weigh myself first thing in the morning!

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~ by wastedlife40 on March 12, 2010.

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