Some days are harder than others…

March Fast: March 8, 2010-March 12, 2010

Topic: Hard Days

Today was one of those days. You know the type. Can’t fully wake up, can’t get started, and don’t really want to. These kinds of days aren’t rare, but they are quite difficult if you don’t have your regular crutch to help relieve the tediousness of the hours. Part of the hardness of the day was definitely my fault. I didn’t get my tea or chicken broth until 3pm, so I spent most of the day cold and thirsty. It was silly, yes, but sometimes I like to test the limits of my control. It’s reckless to try that sort of thing during only the second of what will probably be two dozen fasts over the next two years, but if I can’t control myself now, then down the road I will slip and I just don’t have time to do that anymore.

This is the last time I make the attempt.

That’s not a fatalistic statement, just one of absolute fact. If I don’t do it now, then I expect to die the way I am today. I don’t want that. I think I’m finally of a mind to get to where I’m very comfortable with my weight and myself and someplace where I can finally feel contentment. That’s all I want, you know, is to be content. Happiness is simply a moment in time and I expect to feel happy when I reach my goal weight, but I look forward to being content with myself for the rest of my life.

Contentment can be constantly maintained. Happiness can not.

*Body Progress: I can walk around in footie socks again! Yes, this is a big deal. Fifty pounds ago I couldn’t get out of bed without putting on sneakers because my feet wouldn’t immediately support me and the heel pain from my heel spurs was simply too great. My feet will always hurt the when I get out of bed and it does take a moment for me to right myself on my feet. But now, I don’t need to use a cane all the way to the bathroom. Also, my ankles don’t swell up after walking around in socks all day or sitting for long periods of time. Sweet!


~ by wastedlife40 on March 9, 2010.

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