Day One: Penultimate Week: January 25, 2010

So, yesterday was supposed to be the beginning actually, but it was such a high stress day (severe car issues and eight hours at the mechanics) it pushed me back a week. It was actually a good thing. I didn’t realize how my mind worked when it came to extreme stressors. And education that ended in my hitting Carl Jr’s, but avoiding IHOP like the plague.

Go figure.

Anyway, when I left the mechanic’s (with another $1200 of work needed on my car), all I wanted to do was get high. That’s what food is for me, a high like any I’m sure some of you enjoy. You may get your jollies from the occasional joint, a pack of cigarettes, that mandatory drink the moment you get home from work, a line of coke, a pill of ecstasy, a tab of acid, or even a Twinkie (I’ve got a friend whose a stone cold sugar addict)! Whatever your pleasure, legal or non, we all achieve an altered state in some way or another and a Carl’s Jr. Super Star Small combo was yesterday’s drug of choice.

Did it work? No. Like any drug you’ve taken for a really long time, it takes more to reach the desired effect. I had a coupon (a pox on all fast food companies and their buy one, get one free deals!), so I had two burgers, two fries (great fries, btw), and two medium drinks. The hit was a good one, making me feel sluggish and sleepy, boneless and slow. But with those usual feelings came the ones I hate. Shame, stupidity, with a smidge of hopelessness and sorrow. Well those feelings are very easy to skirt if you head to bed to try to prolong the good feelings by sleeping off your high. And sleep I did!

Another problem that quickly rises from a fast food hit is that when you wake (or can think clearly again) you’re hit was a craving for sweet so strong your mind starts to take an immediate and frightening inventory of your surroundings, searching for anything that will help you through that pain. The thoughts are so consuming that television becomes the very bane of your existence as every other commercial shows some sort of food in the most tantalizing ways. It’s torture. Pure and simple torture.

But then (lightbulb) I remembered I had fully anticipated this reaction and bought one of CJ’s small chocolate cakes. It was perfect and totally hit the spot. I refused the dark feelings entrance into my mind and proceeded to go back to sleep. Those that know me understand what a difficult thing that was, but I did it and immediately dreamt of eggs sunny side up!

The shit never ends.

Yesterday was an exercise in recognizing when, why, and how I’ll have to eat in order to be successful.

It was a hard lesson.


~ by wastedlife40 on January 26, 2010.

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