They can’t all be good days…


I feel like screaming all the time. Sometimes in the hopes of frightening someone into paying attention to me, and sometimes simply for the endorphin and adrenalin rush you achieve through a good hardy scream. But regardless of the reason, the desire remains the same. And yet, I never do it. I never let go and give voice to my frustration. I never allow myself the satisfaction of a moment’s self-indulgence and self-pity and I think that is a shame. While you find those who assume that everything ever done is someone else’s fault, those pathetic assholes are not what I aspire to.

No, I simply want to feel.

Now, I know what you’re thinking; “How can you not, feel?” And I tell you, it’s a far easier state to achieve than you know. There are ways to simply “flatten” your emotions, so that none but apathy rises thickly to the surface. It’s a removal of all the passion and fire we express everyday, and it’s also a quieting of the fear that exists within us all. The ironic part of this exercise is that you gain an acceptance you didn’t think you could. You begin to live the 12-step lifestyle. You know what I mean, the “help me to accept the things I cannot change” bit, and ride that to a positively Vulcan conclusion.

Aaahhhh, but then you’re cold, aloof, removed, and everyone wants to know, “What’s wrong?”

But that, my friends, is the true question…

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~ by wastedlife40 on August 31, 2009.

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